Monday, June 17, 2013

Brian, you are loved and missed so much

The day has come that i have absolutely dreaded for a year.  Today (June 12) is the one year anniversary of my brothers death.  He was only 54 when he died from cancer.  

I'll let you in on something that i need to get off my chest, so to speak.  When my brother died, we weren't speaking.  I won't go into details, because, really, it doesn't matter now.  When he called about a month before he passed, he left word with my husband that he had cancer.  I fully intended to call him back, but didn't.  I just did NOT think that my beautiful brother would die.  but he did.

Even though i know that he loved me, i will always feel so guilty that i didn't return that last phone call.  It does get a bit easier, but I still can not look at pictures of him without the guilt.  I spent so many years (over 25) rescuing him from drugs and horrible people that continued to take advantage of him, that it hurts to think i couldn't rescue him from cancer.  I know it makes no sense, but thats how I feel.  

Yes, he's in a much better place, and that gives me some comfort.

I've said it before, and i'll say it again, Brian was one of the great loves of my life.  We fought like cats and dogs growing up (or like brothers and sisters do!).  But, when our dad passed in 1991, my brother knew how much this would hurt me.  After all I was a daddy's girl.  He came to me and hugged me like i'd never been hugged before.  My husband was there as well, but it was the loving arms of my brother that made me feel a bit better.  I'll never forget that.

Me, dad and Brian shortly before Dad's death

Birthday Party for my brother. (he's front right, i'm in the rear on the left)

Brian after getting off of a ride (soaking wet) at Knotts Berry farm

Brian at our home after work.

Brian at my inlaws house @ Christmas time (they bought him a TV)

Brian and Jennifer 

Rest in Peace my dear brother. and to my friends reading this, learn from my BIG mistake. I know that I have.  Go out of your way to be nice to that one person. Forgive someone. Say hi to someone you don't know, or say hi to someone you haven't talked to in a while. 

1 comment:

joanne said...

such a hard lesson but so easy to let things slide, I know it's been ten years since my sister walked out of my life and I pray daily that she will walk back in before it's too late. God bless you with comfort and beautiful memories on this especially hard day.