Friends and Family. Without them, some of us would be lost. Some of us would be happy. Either way, they are what defines us.
Over the years, i've made some great friends. I've also lost some great friends. I've also had some friends that were losers, hangers on, or users. Over time, I realized that I could do better without them in my life. I spent some years doing things that i wasnt proud of. The friends that were a part of that life are no longer in my life. I made the choice to separate myself from them. If i hadnt done that, i dont think i'd be here writing this blog. The friends from that time period that chose to 'straighten up and fly right' are back in my life. The others continued on that path of self destruction. I know that i would not be the woman i am today without those people in my life, but i also know, if i'd KEPT them in my life, I would not have what i have today. LIFE. LOVE. FAMILY. HAPPINESS.
Most of you know that in addition to Jenny, i also have a son, Jesse, who is 27. I was a single mom, choosing to leave Jesse's dad when he beat me in front of my son. Jesse and I were as close as Jenny and I are now. It was just me, Jesse, and my dad. We continued to remain close through my dads death, through my marriage to Scott, and the birth of Jennifer. Then somehow, it all changed. He became disrespectful to all adults. Mostly to me though. This is a child that was so polite, and had wonderful manners. He started to skip school, not do his homework. He hid report cards, stole from us. When i was at work, he even brought girls into MY home and had sex in his room. He began staying out all night, not letting me know where he was. I'd finally had enough. I had tried counseling, changing schools, none of it worked. So, with the cooperation of a family friend, we chose tough love. I threw him out of the house. He stayed with the family friend. I told him until he straightened up, he was not allowed near my house. it was THE hardest thing i've ever had to do in my life. But, my family was deteriorating right in front of my eyes. I had to think of Jennifer, who deserved better than that. And my marriage was crumbling, because i was defending Jesse. Enough was enough.
Over time, he straightened up a bit. BUT, i let my guard down, and told him he could visit Jennifer. She was around 7 at the time. He talked to her on the phone weekly, and told her he would be by to visit at 6pm. She sat by that window waiting for him to pull up until 940 pm, when i decided she'd waited more than long enough. I decided to tell her that his car broke down, and he couldn't make it. After that, his phone calls ceased, and he began telling people that I was a terrible mother. That i never did anything for him, never took him anywhere, that i hated him.
At first, i was destroyed, because i knew the truth. Then i realized, HE is the one losing out. I know i was a good mom. If he chooses to be that way, he'll have to answer to himself. Sure, as a mom, i made mistakes. Dont ALL moms make mistakes? So, i've moved on, and refuse to lose anymore sleep over it.
My life, as it stands right now, is good. Yep, we've got debts that we cant pay. My health could be better. But, i LOVE where i live. I love that i wake up every morning knowing that i've got a good family, and wonderful friends. It could be better, but it could be worse.