September 21, 1984

      growing up, my mother was always ill.  Before i was born, she lost a lung to Tuberculosis.  As an experimental treatment before losing her lung, they used something akin to ping pong balls to expand her lung when it kept collapsing. it was called Lucite Ball Plombage.  

     Eventually, the ping pong balls would escape her lung, so to save her life, they removed her lung. It left her with a big giant scar on her back.  She endured walking pneumonia many many times over my life.  They put her on a respirator as well. And let me tell you, it wasn't like it is in the movies.  it flattened out her face and neck, to where she was unrecognizable. Pretty hard as a kid to see that.

     But, my mom was a trooper. Despite having one lung, she managed to be a great mom to my brother and i.  At the drop of a hat, she'd take us to the zoo, or Disneyland.  Never a complaint out of her.

    Then in 1983, she was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer.  in her ONLY lung.  It was too far advanced to do anything.  My mother loved Las Vegas, so i took her for a girls weekend.  Hauled her giant oxygen refill tank all the way there. it was 3 feet high by around 1.5 feet wide, and boy was it heavy.  We stayed at the Westward Ho.  Had a great time too!  

     My dad also took her to Vegas, about a month before she passed.  When they returned, she hung in there like the super star she was.  Then she lost her sight.  that was hard for her to accept. But, she never EVER complained.

     Finally, with my dad and i by her side, and in a coma, she passed away. When she was taking her final breaths, the nurse told us to tell her it would be okay if she left us. My dad couldn't do it. so it fell to me. How do you tell your mother,  the one you have loved your whole life, it was okay to let go?  But, i did it, and maybe a minute passed and she drew her last breath. How i did it, I will never know. 

    Leaving the hospital that day, i think my dad and  were in shock.  Even though she always had a health problem, you never EVER think your mother will die. 

     She passed away September 21, 1984 with Jon Beard, her favorite newscaster on TV.  it's been 37 years and not a day goes by that i don't think of her. i know she'd be proud of how my life turned out. i also know she'd be patting my husband on the back for putting up with me for this long as well.  I miss you mom.

    you don't think you can live without your mother 

until you have to.